Comments for Attached At The Heart http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org A new book by API Co-Founders Barbara Nicholson & Lysa Parker Wed, 03 Mar 2010 07:53:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 Comment on In Memorium Elizabeth Paris by Jean Deken http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/2009/12/09/in-memorium-elizabeth-paris/comment-page-1/#comment-2034 Jean Deken Wed, 03 Mar 2010 07:53:34 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?p=132#comment-2034 I am simply stunned to learn that Elizabeth is no longer with us. My heart goes out to Jay, Zachary and Elysha. You have my very deepest sympathy. I am simply stunned to learn that Elizabeth is no longer with us. My heart goes out to Jay, Zachary and Elysha. You have my very deepest sympathy.

]]> Comment on In Memorium Elizabeth Paris by Joanna Glass http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/2009/12/09/in-memorium-elizabeth-paris/comment-page-1/#comment-2029 Joanna Glass Sat, 27 Feb 2010 02:33:39 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?p=132#comment-2029 Every day I pick up my Attached At The Heart book and look at the cover and think of Elizabeth and her lovely family. I know how blessed I am to have my family together and how much Attachment Parenting International has helped me become a better mother each and every day. Her passing reminds me to treat each day like it is the first and the last and that the most important thing is our happiness and love. Sending my love to her amazing family. You have touched so many lives. Every day I pick up my Attached At The Heart book and look at the cover and think of Elizabeth and her lovely family. I know how blessed I am to have my family together and how much Attachment Parenting International has helped me become a better mother each and every day. Her passing reminds me to treat each day like it is the first and the last and that the most important thing is our happiness and love.
Sending my love to her amazing family. You have touched so many lives.

]]> Comment on Come see us in Texas and California! by Shellie Leach http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/2010/02/07/come-see-us-in-texas-and-california/comment-page-1/#comment-2024 Shellie Leach Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:56:57 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?p=152#comment-2024 I spoke with Kara Carden tonight about a possible event with you in Mt. Juliet. I'm picking up your book from her this week (I'd better read it!), and hope to have a chance to talk briefly to you either over the weekend or sometime early in the week. I'd like to know what you need at an event (space-wise, environment, time-wise, etc.). I'd also like to take a few minutes for you to tell me in your own words what your message is. I'll also be getting in touch with the Montessori school here in hopes that the event could be a joint project. I was thinking that perhaps we could get some attention from the public schools in the area as well. I do look forward to speaking with you. I don't want to leave my direct number so public, but if you email me at ShellieLeach@gmail.com I will be happy to either share my number or call yours. Thanks! Shellie Leach I spoke with Kara Carden tonight about a possible event with you in Mt. Juliet. I’m picking up your book from her this week (I’d better read it!), and hope to have a chance to talk briefly to you either over the weekend or sometime early in the week. I’d like to know what you need at an event (space-wise, environment, time-wise, etc.). I’d also like to take a few minutes for you to tell me in your own words what your message is.

I’ll also be getting in touch with the Montessori school here in hopes that the event could be a joint project.

I was thinking that perhaps we could get some attention from the public schools in the area as well.

I do look forward to speaking with you. I don’t want to leave my direct number so public, but if you email me at ShellieLeach@gmail.com I will be happy to either share my number or call yours.

Thanks!

Shellie Leach

]]> Comment on Reclaiming our birth rights by Trusting Birth | Attachment Parenting International Blog http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/2009/10/10/reclaiming-our-birth-rights/comment-page-1/#comment-2008 Trusting Birth | Attachment Parenting International Blog Thu, 04 Feb 2010 11:02:47 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?p=116#comment-2008 [...] by the people who I was attached to and I was fully conscious and aware as I took each step to birth my son. When my son was born I grabbed him to myself, skin-to-skin rocking him and crying “my [...] [...] by the people who I was attached to and I was fully conscious and aware as I took each step to birth my son. When my son was born I grabbed him to myself, skin-to-skin rocking him and crying “my [...]

]]> Comment on The Authors by Jay Mellberg http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/about-the-authors/comment-page-1/#comment-1991 Jay Mellberg Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:03:38 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?page_id=20#comment-1991 Dear Lysa: Just wanted to check in and say what a pleasure it was working with you on Friday. I hope I did well as your "prop". I was reading through your site and may I say what a great endeavor and work you and your associate are doing. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement during the "shoot". All the Best, Jay Dear Lysa:
Just wanted to check in and say what a pleasure it was working with you on Friday. I hope I did well as your “prop”. I was reading through your site and may I say what a great endeavor and work you and your associate are doing. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement during the “shoot”.
All the Best,
Jay

]]> Comment on In Memorium Elizabeth Paris by Joy http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/2009/12/09/in-memorium-elizabeth-paris/comment-page-1/#comment-1929 Joy Thu, 10 Dec 2009 04:01:50 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?p=132#comment-1929 Oh how awful! My heart is with her family as they mourn their loss. I lost my mother to cancer when pregnant with my firstborn so I understand their grief. *HUGS* Oh how awful! My heart is with her family as they mourn their loss. I lost my mother to cancer when pregnant with my firstborn so I understand their grief. *HUGS*

]]> Comment on Excerpt by Richard H. Smith http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/excerpt/comment-page-1/#comment-421 Richard H. Smith Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:56:48 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?page_id=28#comment-421 Dear Barbara and Lynn, You are very successful in presenting helping support and direction for families. I have spent my career attempting similar activity without your organized results. Bowlby and Ainsworrth would also be impressed. I especially like your emphasis on relating, a two-way interaction. This may seem trivial but I have atteempted to identify specifics of relating beyond the usual supportive statements. I especially like you attention to eye-to-eye interaction, a high priority for relating. Studies at LSU for bind infants were almost always delayed in relating but eventually learned to apply listening in a similar manner. Helen Keller's book is excellent in ddescribimng when both are gone. Did you know both Bowlby and Ainsworth did not consider eye-to-eye very important. They believed attachment was a condition of the infant that did not involve mother's behavioir. Bowlby even said that a mother's attachment to her infant was a pathological reversal. Ainsworth eventually agreed to eye-to eye behavior as important but with the warning that since it envolved mother's behavior it ddid not purely represent the baby. I have always felt this attitide outrageous aand agree with Winnecott that an infant can only exist as a unioin with mother. Eye-to-eye or its substitute is essential for the infant to learn. When an infant is crying (Brazelton's state 6) the infant is unable to,learn or remember. An infant range of attachment requests for involvement increase when the mather detects interaction desire prior to the child crying. The early response actually delays and inhibits crying y a child who has learned to hope for the best. I have many mothers respond with anger about the responsiveness observation. They have been driven to destraction by prompt responding to the infant's request. A few mother's have taken pride in not responding to their infants in order to increase the infants' sense of independence. Attending the details of mother's interest sometimes assists them to find their own insightful ability to moderate. Almost any directioin given to others(such as I am doing here) will be resented and misinterpreted. Ainsworth could not test eye-to-eye contact in her abservation of the A<B or C levels of attachment because she did not distinquish hyperalertness (fear) from attentive learning. Rarely, I have observed mothers having the same problem and overstimulate their infants into hyperalertness that they believe is responsiveness. Heidi Als has written good discussions of this problem, especially with preterm or stamina compromised infants. The critical thing about attentive learning is its relationship to surprise. The newborn is almost always surprised by maternal activity toward them, but with a sensitive mother who reads baby's clues, the surprise turns to pleasure. Thus, the interactive smile, sometimes in the first week, but not unsusal until 3 months which mothers find very frustrating. The sense of bonding heightens when this social pleasant surprise is shared and often becomes extended with games like peek-a-boo. Controlled pleasent surprise becomes the hallmark of attachment, annd the child expands his interest in everything to stimulate this gratification. That is why a child never tires or is bored with mother becouse the child believes in personal effectiveness and ability to make changes when making surprises A child does not like novelty (unlike current cognitive psychoilogy teaching). The infant and child of all ages is attached to controlled desirable change that surprise is the best example. A surprise is a child's greatest reward and accounts for the child being rewarded by the sound of mother's voice even if not being attended by her. The appearance that a child is attracted to novelty is a misinterpretation of the child attraction to a variation of a theme. This means the child recognizes how something is change from a familiar experience. This attraction is observed in music that always varies the first presentation of a theme. Hum the melody of any song and this will be obvious. The variaton of a theme explains why mother's always repeat what they say to their baby. Infant developmentalist say this is to modulate the infants emotional level (either to calm or excite). While that is a secondary benefit, the primary value is to enhance the sense of attachment. Since Bowlby and Ainsworth restricted attachment to proximity with mother, I find your describing relationship much more helpful. The most effective route to relating is through acquiring a personal history and variety of many recognizable changing activites that keep surprise in the limits of the child feeling in control. Since this relating involves engaging more than restrictive presence (defined by Bowlby to be attachment ), I have defined mother-infant relating to be a motivational force that I have called by a unique made-up name of "engageance". If you find these ideas interesting or even confusing, I am very interested in further discussion. Any response on an e-mail reply is appreciated. (I typed several pages that may be deleted). Thank you much for the time to read, Richard H. Smith Dear Barbara and Lynn,
You are very successful in presenting helping support and direction for families. I have spent my career attempting similar activity without your organized results. Bowlby and Ainsworrth would also be impressed. I especially like your emphasis on relating, a two-way interaction.
This may seem trivial but I have atteempted to identify specifics of relating beyond the usual supportive statements. I especially like you attention to eye-to-eye interaction, a high priority for relating. Studies at LSU for bind infants were almost always delayed in relating but eventually learned to apply listening in a similar manner. Helen Keller’s book is excellent in ddescribimng when both are gone.
Did you know both Bowlby and Ainsworth did not consider eye-to-eye very important. They believed attachment was a condition of the infant that did not involve mother’s behavioir. Bowlby even said that a mother’s attachment to her infant was a pathological reversal. Ainsworth eventually agreed to eye-to eye behavior as important but with the warning that since it envolved mother’s behavior it ddid not purely represent the baby. I have always felt this attitide outrageous aand agree with Winnecott that an infant can only exist as a unioin with mother. Eye-to-eye or its substitute is essential for the infant to learn. When an infant is crying (Brazelton’s state 6) the infant is unable to,learn or remember.
An infant range of attachment requests for involvement increase when the mather detects interaction desire prior to the child crying. The early response actually delays and inhibits crying y a child who has learned to hope for the best.
I have many mothers respond with anger about the responsiveness observation. They have been driven to destraction by prompt responding to the infant’s request. A few mother’s have taken pride in not responding to their infants in order to increase the infants’ sense of independence. Attending the details of mother’s interest sometimes assists them to find their own insightful ability to moderate. Almost any directioin given to others(such as I am doing here) will be resented and misinterpreted.
Ainsworth could not test eye-to-eye contact in her abservation of the A<B or C levels of attachment because she did not distinquish hyperalertness (fear) from attentive learning. Rarely, I have observed mothers having the same problem and overstimulate their infants into hyperalertness that they believe is responsiveness. Heidi Als has written good discussions of this problem, especially with preterm or stamina compromised infants.
The critical thing about attentive learning is its relationship to surprise. The newborn is almost always surprised by maternal activity toward them, but with a sensitive mother who reads baby’s clues, the surprise turns to pleasure. Thus, the interactive smile, sometimes in the first week, but not unsusal until 3 months which mothers find very frustrating. The sense of bonding heightens when this social pleasant surprise is shared and often becomes extended with games like peek-a-boo.
Controlled pleasent surprise becomes the hallmark of attachment, annd the child expands his interest in everything to stimulate this gratification. That is why a child never tires or is bored with mother becouse the child believes in personal effectiveness and ability to make changes when making surprises
A child does not like novelty (unlike current cognitive psychoilogy teaching). The infant and child of all ages is attached to controlled desirable change that surprise is the best example. A surprise is a child’s greatest reward and accounts for the child being rewarded by the sound of mother’s voice even if not being attended by her. The appearance that a child is attracted to novelty is a misinterpretation of the child attraction to a variation of a theme. This means the child recognizes how something is change from a familiar experience.
This attraction is observed in music that always varies the first presentation of a theme. Hum the melody of any song and this will be obvious. The variaton of a theme explains why mother’s always repeat what they say to their baby. Infant developmentalist say this is to modulate the infants emotional level (either to calm or excite). While that is a secondary benefit, the primary value is to enhance the sense of attachment.
Since Bowlby and Ainsworth restricted attachment to proximity with mother, I find your describing relationship much more helpful. The most effective route to relating is through acquiring a personal history and variety of many recognizable changing activites that keep surprise in the limits of the child feeling in control. Since this relating involves engaging more than restrictive presence (defined by Bowlby to be attachment ), I have defined mother-infant relating to be a motivational force that I have called by a unique made-up name of “engageance”.
If you find these ideas interesting or even confusing, I am very interested in further discussion. Any response on an e-mail reply is appreciated. (I typed several pages that may be deleted).
Thank you much for the time to read, Richard H. Smith

]]> Comment on Attached At The Heart Available Now by Roxanne http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/2009/03/11/attached-at-the-heart-available-now/comment-page-1/#comment-420 Roxanne Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:52:23 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?p=84#comment-420 I can't wait to read this book! I'm sure I'll love it as much as I do Kohn's Unconditional Parenting. I can’t wait to read this book! I’m sure I’ll love it as much as I do Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting.

]]> Comment on Praise by Rita http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/praiseendorsements/comment-page-1/#comment-259 Rita Fri, 10 Apr 2009 15:36:37 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?page_id=22#comment-259 As a parent, this book is GREAT! It explains the premise for and research behind the Eight Principles, and is my reassurance that what I'm doing in my home with my children is safe, healthy, and right and that I am indeed arming them with the "tools" against depression, anxiety, and all the other stresses so common in today's society. And it's great when others ask about my parenting approach, because I can pull the book out and read from any page to give them accurate, up-to-date, research-backed, parent-proven information on why Attachment Parenting is indeed the better way to parent. As a parent, this book is GREAT! It explains the premise for and research behind the Eight Principles, and is my reassurance that what I’m doing in my home with my children is safe, healthy, and right and that I am indeed arming them with the “tools” against depression, anxiety, and all the other stresses so common in today’s society. And it’s great when others ask about my parenting approach, because I can pull the book out and read from any page to give them accurate, up-to-date, research-backed, parent-proven information on why Attachment Parenting is indeed the better way to parent.

]]> Comment on Events by The first book signing in Nashville a huge success! http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/eventsauthor-schedule/comment-page-1/#comment-147 The first book signing in Nashville a huge success! Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:28:15 +0000 http://attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/?page_id=24#comment-147 [...] Events [...] [...] Events [...]

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